my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
