I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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