Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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