three words: i give head
three words: not that well
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
