party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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