never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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