this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Found the puke drawer
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
