and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
