I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
