No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
