I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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