dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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