who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
