Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize