if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
