Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
