Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
