I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
thus making me awesome and them whores
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
