That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
