I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Who died my cat blue again?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
