On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
