Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
