He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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