I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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