There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
