There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
