I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize