Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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