It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
