just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
