There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
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yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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