So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
