worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You pole danced in your parka.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
