he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I think i got beer on your cat.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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