Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
