I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize