she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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