Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
we're chasing vodka with high fives
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
