I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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