So drunk, too bad you don't want this
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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