Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
