Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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