so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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