Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
