I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
