I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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