You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
