I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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