census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
