I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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