I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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