I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
