zippers are such a cool invention
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
