And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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