How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
