I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
