i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize