I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i believe in u and ur pee
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
