I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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