I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I have aggressive nipples.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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