Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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