the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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