I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Everyone says I win the strip club
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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