I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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