Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
People in love make me want to vomit
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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