im gay
i know
yea but for you.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
