3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize